when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
it hurts more in the daytime
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
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I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
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I feel like death gave me a hand job
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
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