I think I died a long time ago.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
