im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
