eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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