im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
