just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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