We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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