yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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