I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
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i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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