oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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