im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
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