you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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