Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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