She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
