so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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