I feel like abortions should bother me more
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
