For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
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Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
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The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
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