i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.