We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
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He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.