Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.