There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.