There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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