Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....