There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.