my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
