no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i would one night stand the shit outta him
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
