atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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