Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
