She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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