i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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