i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
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she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
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I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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