he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
