Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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