The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
