duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
