It's like God shit irony all over that family
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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