She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
