My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
