if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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