The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
i think im in europe. pls send help
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
