my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
