When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
