How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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