She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
