Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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