I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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