come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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