do herpes really smell.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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