all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
we're so committed to being not committed
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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