I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I've blown a few things in my day
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
