I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
