That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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