Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
