what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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