he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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