What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
