I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
My orgasm happened in two different decades
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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