Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
