Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
