Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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