Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
