I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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