I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
