i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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