Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Terrible idea I love it
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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