Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize