Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
