i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
