Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
