Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
