no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
