I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
