So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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