What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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